


a world of shiny people somewhere else

by jeremyknox



Series: some impressions stay (and some will fade away) [2]
Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 08:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7260505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeremyknox/pseuds/jeremyknox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Andrew was five and being delivered to yet another foster home, a young social worker turned to his new foster parents and said “he’s gifted”. Since then Andrew could never hear the word “gifted” without thinking it meant “cursed”.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a world of shiny people somewhere else

**Author's Note:**

> sorry about this, it's a mess, i keep repeating sentence structure or something but it doesn't look great. again, i haven't even reread this or anything, so sorry about the typos and just plain grammar errors.

I.

“ _He’s so small_ ”, Andrew hears inside his head, looks left and sees a girl crossing the street to avoid him. “ _A miniature psychopath_ ,” He rolls his eyes and keeps walking, heading to his dorm room, hoping there’ll be no one there.

It’s easier now than when he was a child, when he still cared, still felt afraid when he could see in his mind a couple of foster parents imagining beating him up, hear the “ _I’m going to ruin him_ ” from Drake’s thoughts.

Kevin’s there when he arrives, but he can deal with Kevin and his one track mind, always trying to be better, to run faster, to prove that having powers is just the first step, that you have to work on them so they can actually be useful.

He grabs a chocolate bar, heads to his bedroom, eats lying down on his bed, thankful Aaron’s not there yet, then shakes his head. It shouldn’t matter. He doesn’t care. He can’t care.

 

II.

When Andrew was five and being delivered to yet another foster home, a young social worker turned to his new foster parents and said “he’s gifted”. Since then Andrew could never hear the word “gifted” without thinking it meant “cursed”.

Kevin keeps telling him that it’d be easier if he made any kind of effort to control his powers. Andrew takes a knife from his armbands and tells Kevin it doesn’t matter how fast he is if Andrew knows where he’s going. Sometimes, when there’s too many people around and the voices inside his head get too loud, Andrew allows himself to be jealous of Kevin, his powers. But most of the time he thinks Kevin’s too much of a coward.

When Riko broke Kevin’s legs, Kevin’s biggest worry was that he was never going to be able to run again, to feel the way he does when he’s at full speed, nothing in front of him, in total control of his powers. Andrew would have killed Riko if he was Kevin, though, instead of running away. But he guesses running is just what Kevin does.

And it’s not like Andrew’s never tried to control his powers. He remembers being two and already trying to control it, remembers being six and praying that the powers would just go away, remembers being thirteen and thinking dying would be better than having to live like that. He remembers everything. He wonders if it’s part of his curse.

 

III.

Kevin tells him about Neil, but Andrew doesn’t think about it too much, it doesn’t even cross his mind twice that there’s going to be a new kid around. Then Neil arrives.

It’s sunny and the sky is blue and the sounds around him are louder than the voices in his head for the first time in his life. He sees Kevin talking to Neil. Then Nicky. But Andrew can’t make himself move, can’t make himself look at anything but the boy with blue eyes and messy hair. Andrew feels like if he just looks away Neil will be gone and people’s thoughts will come back and it’ll be like he never had this one moment of complete peace.

Years and years of wanting this one thing, wanting to hear only his own thoughts and not know what people are thinking, what they’re going to do, the answers to every test, the reason behind every crime he witnessed or fell victim to, what people truly felt about him, and then when he gets his wish it’s in a five feet vessel and a couple of years too late.

Andrew’s angry and angrier that he’s angry when he promised himself he would stop feeling so much stuff because all of his feelings don’t mix well with knowing everyone else’s feelings and what they boil to. And then he feels even angrier at Neil for just showing up and making him _know_ what it’d be like to not have his powers when before all he could do was imagine it.

 

IV. 

He tries to stay away, but, like a junkie, he finds himself at Neil’s door all the time, pretends he’s there to keep an eye on him. He really doesn’t trust Neil, finds it suspicious that he showed up out of nowhere not long after Kevin, but he can’t lie to himself and pretend at least two thirds of the reason he keeps close isn’t to get the rush of only having to deal with his own thoughts.

It’s kind of funny when Neil’s around people who are crippled by their powers, who are so used to them they don’t know how to do stuff without them. He sees Matt and Dan try to pick up too heavy stuff around Neil too many times to be amused by it, but he likes when they’re around people who don’t understand why they’re suddenly more human than they’ve ever been.

Aaron avoids Neil like the plague and Andrew knows his brother is spending too much time with the elastic cheerleader he doesn’t care about. He’d warn Aaron to stay away, but he’s read Katelyn’s mind and she’s too dumb and too innocent to pose as a threat like their mother once was.

Andrew sits on the floor of Neil’s bedroom next to him, listens to him talk, pretends to believe the lies Neil tells, pretends he knows when Neil’s telling a lie and when he’s telling the truth. Sometimes he lies on Neil’s bed with a book while Neil wastes his time with control exercises or some other bullshit. He tries not to think about how comfortable the company makes him feel.

 

V. 

He doesn’t understand why Neil’s trying so hard to get a grip on his powers, tells him it’s useless. He drinks and smokes and rolls his eyes at Neil for believing that if he fucking meditates enough or something he’ll be able to decide when his powers will work and when they’ll stop.

Months pass and Andrew tells Neil a little about his life, enough to make Neil more honest, make him talk about his homicidal dad, spending years running away with a little help from his uncle. He tells Neil about Drake like an afterthought, like it doesn’t bother him, like he doesn’t have nightmares about it frequently. Neil only nods and doesn’t say anything, pretends he believes Andrew’s really over it. Andrew’s thankful for it, but he’d never admit it.

Sometimes he realizes reading people’s minds helps him not to focus on his own thoughts and his own memories. When it gets too bad and he just can’t be inside his own mind anymore, he tells Neil to go away. Neil stays. Andrew gets increasingly annoyed at himself that he doesn’t mind it too much.

They start smoking together on the roof of the dorm building, arms brushing when the sun’s setting, Andrew refusing to look at Neil, pretending he doesn’t notice Neil’s looking at him.

 

VI.

Sometimes, lost in other people’s thoughts, Andrew forgets to eat, forgets to sleep, lies on his bed and sees Aaron’s dreams like he’s the one dreaming, hears thoughts of the students walking past the building in the middle of the night, wishes he had an off button.

Andrew’s never met anyone with the same powers as his own, the ability of reading people’s minds or actually seeing what they’re imagining. He thinks if there was anyone else like him, they were more successful with their suicide attempts than he was.

Abby asked him, when he first arrived, if he wanted her to heal his scars for him, said it would be simple, she’s done it a dozen times. He likes looking at them once in a while, though, a reminder of when it was so bad he couldn’t breathe right, couldn’t stop replaying the worst bits of his life over and over and over, like a horror movie inside his head, a time when he had no one to live for so he didn’t need to live at all.

Then came Aaron. He knows Aaron loves him, he can read his mind. But he also knows his brother’s most recurring thought regarding him is “ _I wish I had never met you_ ”. The scars help Andrew remember not to care about that. Caring about anything at all only leads to getting hurt.

 

VII.

He goes for a chocolate run one night and comes back to everyone excitedly talking about Neil’s surprising power pause, like it doesn’t matter at all he dislocated his shoulder if he could let people use their powers around him for five seconds.

He drags Neil to Abby, tries not to take a deep breath so it won’t seem like he really cares about Neil getting hurt, rolls his eyes to pretend he’s more annoyed than he’s worried. Neil can’t control his powers and Abby won’t be able to heal him.

The worst thing about it is how happy Neil is. They sit in the car driving to Abby’s apartment and he sees Neil trying not to smile, trying not to show how excited he is about what happened. Andrew hardens his grip on the steering wheel and doesn’t say anything that’ll make Neil realize how angry he is. 

Abby takes her time. He’s never seen Abby actually taking her time with anyone, but he realizes now it’s just because she can usually just heal people, making her med school diploma useless. She takes her time with Neil though. Andrew worries.

 

VIII.

Andrew doesn’t usually regret anything he does. He doesn’t regret telling Kevin to stay and promising he would protect him, doesn’t regret almost killing the homophobic assholes that tried to attack Nicky that one time, doesn’t regret killing his mother. He regrets this thing he’s starting to feel towards Neil.

He goes sparring with Renee and she can’t hide her surprise at him getting so close to someone new. She knows his sexual preferences which makes her catch on quicker than she might have otherwise. But she doesn’t ask him about it and he doesn’t say anything. He ends up with his back on the mat and Renee smirking looking down at him.

He knows he talks about Neil too much during his conversations with Betsy, but it’s like he can’t stop, it’s like Neil dug a hole inside his mind that nothing else can fill and no one else’s thoughts can make him forget.

He sits on the roof with Neil, smokes next to him while neither of them says anything. He stares at Neil longer than he ever did, longer than what could be considered comfortable for anyone, asks “yes or no?”. Neil says yes.

 

IX. 

It’s like nothing else being in Neil’s mind, reading his thoughts, hearing the _you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me_ in repeat like it’s all Neil can think while their chests are brushing and their hands are intertwined and their tongues are touching. _Thank you, thank you, thank you, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me_.

“I hate you,” He says, but gives Neil a kiss.

“I hate you,” He says, but drags Neil to bed, asks “yes or no?”.

 _It’s always yes with you_ , Neil thinks.

 

X.

“Except when it’s no,” Andrew says.

Neil’s probably too distracted to keep his powers from working because Andrew doesn’t know what he’s thinking for a while. They make out for hours and sometimes he can hear Neil’s thoughts inside his head and sometimes he can’t and it’s overwhelming to handle the feelings and the feedback of sensations.

He stops, though, when he hears a “ _I hope you like me for more than my powers and what they can do for you_ ”, calls Neil an idiot, says a “I hope you like me for more than my powers and what they can do for _you_ ” that makes Neil laugh that stupid laugh of his.

“ _I might be able to talk about it more_ ,” Neil thinks. It takes Andrew a minute to get the reference and then he rolls his eyes, sees Neil struggling not to smile. Reading people’s minds might not be so bad, after all. Or maybe just Neil’s.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. sorry about the emma reference at the very end, i couldn't resist  
> 2\. title from both fics and the series are from the weepies' not your year  
> 3\. there's probably going to be one more part in this series  
> 4\. you can find me at tumblr @ quaterdenarius. the blog runs on queue, but i'm always there updating my hockey sideblog and i'm up to talk about the books and fic plots and finding someone who wants to beta read my stuff for me if it isn't too much trouble ???


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